Janesville is where I grew up and where mom spent most of her adult life. She moved with Dad to Wisconsin for a position six months after I was born.
In the almost 30 years that followed, she raised two "only" children; helped steer 7 foster daughters; worked from home virtually full-time as a seamstress; and volunteered countless hours at St. Paul Lutheran Church and School, the Red Cross, and Mercy Hospital Auxiliary.
Later, in 1993, she and Dad began a series of moves around the country that took them to St. Louis; Ridgeway, PA; and finally Carmel, Indiana in 1998. We caught up again in 2005 when a job brought me to the Indianapolis area, but it was in Wisconsin when we started to spend more time together.
Your mom is your mom for life. Her influence lasts longer. It also seems that she changes. Or, maybe I changed? Or both? The old adage of parents becoming smarter the older I get seems to apply.
When she relocated to Wisconsin, she wanted to be close to life-long friends; the church family at St. Paul; and Wisconsin. Not long after moving in, she was at the church to speak with Pastor about projects and activities where she hoped to serve. The Lutheran women elected her back into office at the local and district level of LWML (Lutheran Women's Missionary League). She was busy.
Both our lives were pretty full, but roughly once a month we'd meet to visit and she usually had some kind of work for me to do around the house. (Nothing too strenuous since I missed out on the home fix-it genes.) I might help replace light bulbs (how many bloggers does it take...); or get something down from a shelf too high for my height-challenged mom. Then we'd go to lunch.
That was our pattern until the fall of 2014. She went to the doctor with a health concern and after a procedure came the diagnosis - pancreatic cancer, stage III.
There were numerous doctor visits, tests, and consultations. Her cancer had already spread to her liver - which set off symptoms that required a doctor visit.
The prayerful decision was made to not look for treatment. Thankfully, then and now, the cancer hasn't caused additional physical pain (so far).
She took trips. Mom spent Christmas with my sister and her family. In January, mom and I flew (in a jet) to Arizona to see her sister. And we made a road trip to Illinois to spend time with her sister-in-law (my maternal uncle died a few years ago). She was weak, but recovering from the jaundice and liver issues that shed dozens of pounds, and able to make those trips.
I'm thankful to be part of that with her.
Each weekend since December we've gotten together at least once.
There were logistical things to discuss. In April, we put together her obituary. We lined up and finalized Power of Attorney documents. That foot work and effort early in the year was a blessing that's allowed us to talk, or just sit together in recent visits.
I've heard more and learned more about mom's childhood than I have heard in my life. We've had frank discussions about end-of-life and I've witnessed her strong Christian faith. She told the Cancer specialist at UW-Health in Madison she was in the Lord's hands and things would work out alright.
Through most of this stretch she continued to live at home. She drove herself to church each Sunday and the beauty shop every Friday. Until fatigue found a place on her afternoon calendar, she kept going to meetings at church and seeing her friends.
My sister flew out to spend a week with her. Close friends stopped by to see her more often. It was the new normal. Eventually the stylish cane from Lenny's Canes wasn't enough to help her get around the house, which seemed to get larger since January.
We called Agrace Hospice. Their care started quickly and offered a lot of help and advice for her and the family to keep things going. Soon it was too much to live alone anymore.
I guess that's why we sometimes talk about the gift of presence. Just being with someone is a blessing during difficult and troubling times. Mom and I sit in the quiet of the living room the silence broken only by the metronomic rhythm and calls every thirty minutes by the coo-koo clock.
Then, her home was too much - even with some help - and she was ready to move to a place that could help when she needed it.
It was time to turn to skilled care, through the capable and compassionate hands and hearts at Hebron Oaks at Oakwood Village University Woods.
The transition from home to a facility presents challenges for everybody. I'm thankful mom is nearby which allows frequent daily visits and that the help she needs is close at hand.
The staff at Oakwood has been wonderful - it's a genuinely warm and friendly atmosphere. Mom doesn't do a lot, but church services are held in the Chapel not far from her new home and she already has a standing appointment with the on campus salon.
It's mom's new home, but she and we know a greater home awaits.
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